Warhammer Online,Warhammer at Fan4War

Casual Fridays:Week 1 - Memo No. 1Effective this week, …

11月 27th, 2008 by fan4war

Casual Fridays:

Week 1 - Memo No. 1

Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3 - Memo No. 2

Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Week 6 - Memo No. 3

Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday’s wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Week 8 - Memo No. 4

A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9 - Memo No. 5

As an outgrowth of Friday’s seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14 - Memo No. 6

The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled “Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards.” A copy has been distributed to every employee. Please review the chapter “You Are What You Wear” and consult the “home casual” versus “business casual” checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.

Week 18 - Memo No. 7

Our Employee Assistant Plan (EAP) has now been expanded to provide support for psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20 - Memo No. 8

Due to budget cuts in the HR Department we are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day will be discontinued, effective immediately.

page

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Casual Fridays:
Week 1 - Memo No. 1
Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3 - Memo No. 2
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Week 6 - Memo No. 3
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday’s wardrobe, remember image is a key to our Warhammer Power leveling success.
Week 8 warhammer online gold - Memo No. 4
A seminar on how to dress for Casual cheap warhammer online gold Day warhammer online gold will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Week 9 - Memo No. 5
As an outgrowth of Friday’s seminar, warhammer online gold a 14-member Casual Day cheap warhammer online gold Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.
Week 14 - Memo No. 6
The Casual Day Task Force has Warhammer Power leveling now completed a 30-page manual entitled “Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing warhammer power leveling Company Standards.” A copy has been distributed to every employee. Please review the chapter “You Are What You Wear” and consult the “home casual” versus “business casual” checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.
Week 18 - warhammer power leveling Memo Warhammer gold No. 7
Our Employee warhammer online gold Assistant Plan (EAP) has now been expanded to provide support warhammer power leveling for psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day. cheap warhammer online gold
Week 20 - Memo No. 8
Due to budget cuts in the HR Department we are no longer able to Warhammer Power leveling effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day will be discontinued, effective immediately.

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His puzzle is missing a few pieces.
His reaction time is longer than his attention span. — Thaves warhammer online gold
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His seat back is not in the full upright and locked position.
His shared libraries aren’t installed.
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His spirit guide is a three-toed sloth.
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His strip is demagnetized.
His system administrator is never in.
His train tracks aren’t quite parallel.
His URL denies outside access.

Here is your funny picture from AhaJokes.com!

The Remaking of an Old Western…

Posted in 未分類 | 5 Comments »

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, …

11月 27th, 2008 by fan4war

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.

But it also lit up her arm, too!

Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, “My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm.”

Hello, you have reached the DOE, that is, the Department Of Enemies. Rick Burger is not here right now, so leave a message saying who you are, what you want to argue about, and where you’ll be, and I’ll be there.

Government’s Law: There is an exception to all laws.

Grabel’s Law: 2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.

Gray’s Law of Programming: ‘n+1′ trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as ‘n’ tasks.

Green’s Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Greener’s Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Grelb’s Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

Gummidges’s Law: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

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Grabel’s Law: 2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
Gray’s Law of Programming: ‘n+1′ trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as ‘n’ tasks.
Green’s Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Greener’s Law: Never argue with a man warhammer online money who buys ink Warhammer gold by the barrel.
Grelb’s Reminder: Eighty percent of all warhammer online gold people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
Gummidges’s Law: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to warhammer online money warhammer online gold the number of statements understood by the general public.

Posted in 未分類 | 31 Comments »

Dad always thought laughter was …

11月 27th, 2008 by fan4war

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it. So sue me.”

I bet the one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he’d spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he’d yell out, “Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!” We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we’ll never know.

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips..yet she won’t drink from my glass!”

“Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!”

“I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette!”

“A travel agent offered me a 21 day special. He told me I would fly from New York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York. I asked him…how am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo? He told me . . . that is why we give you 21 days.

“Another travel agent told me I could spend 7 nights in Hawaii…No days..just nights.”

“My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.”

“My wife isn’t very bright. The other day she was at the store and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said…did you see the guy that did it? She said … No, but I got the license plate.”

“A girl phoned me and said…Come on over there’s nobody home. I went over… Nobody was home!”

“I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.”

Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it. So sue me.”
I bet the one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
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When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a cheap warhammer gold solid gold baby? Maybe we’ll never know.
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Posted in 未分類 | 1 Comment »

Those most opposed to serving …

11月 27th, 2008 by fan4war

Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen.

Those who live closest arrive latest.

Those with the best advice offer no advice.

To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.

To attract maximum attention, it’s hard to beat a good, big, dumb mistake.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

To err is human. To admit it is a blunder.

To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human.

To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.

To err is human. To forgive is simply not company policy.

Droughts are because God didn’t pay his water bill.

Is “tired old cliche” one?

if you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

The sign said “eight items or less”. So I changed my name to Les.

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, “what for?”

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

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A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.

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The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating “breath in, breath out, breath in”.

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Posted in 未分類 | 49 Comments »

There was a tribe in Africa which …

11月 27th, 2008 by fan4war

There was a tribe in Africa which was very fierce and warring…they would battle all the tribes in the area, and they always won. As a victory trophy, they would take the throne of the chief of the defeated tribe and carry it home, chanting victory chants and singing the whole way. When they got home, they would put the throne in the attic of the grass hut. This went on for quite some time, and soon the throne collection grew, adding to the prestige of the tribe.

One day, they battled a tribe of farily large people, some might call them giants. They won, and they struggled to get the throne home…but the chanting and joyesness prevailed as usual. When they got home, they had the ritual of putting the throne in the attic of the grass hut, but the weight was too much. The ceiling collapsed, killing everyone on the tribe.

The moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.

When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?

Why do ‘tug’boats push their barges?

Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’, when we are already there?

Why are they called ’stands’ when they’re made for sitting?

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

Why does one get in trouble for WRECKless driving?

Does a fish get cramps after eating?

Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

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If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not cheap warhammer gold move 10 miles away?
Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?
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Posted in 未分類 | 27 Comments »

Approval Seeker’s Law: Those whose approval you seek the …

11月 27th, 2008 by fan4war

Approval Seeker’s Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least. - Washington writer Rozanne Weissman

The Aquinas Axiom: What the gods get away with, the cows don’t.

Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.

Arnold’s Laws of Documentation: (1) If it should exist, it doesn’t. (2) If it does exist, it’s out of date. (3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws.

Astrology Laws: It’s always the wrong time of the month. - Rozanne Weissman

Avery’s Rule of Three: Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job - it’s the start of a brand new series of three.

Baer’s Quartet: What’s good politics is bad economics; what’s bad politics is good economics; what’s good economics is bad politics; what’s bad economics is good politics. - Eugene Baer (Baer also allows that it can be restated somewhat more compactly as “What’s good politics is bad economics and vice versa, vice versa.”)

Bagdikian’s Observation: Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach’s “St. Matthew Passion” on a ukelele.

Baker’s First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. “you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!”

“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“A hundred dollars per visit.”

“I’ll sleep on it,” said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. “Why didn’t you ever

come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.

“For a hundred buck’s a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.”

“Is that so! How?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”

Lindsey’s not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I’m not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible.

Approval Seeker’s Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least. - Washington writer Rozanne Weissman
The Aquinas Axiom: What the gods get away with, the cows don’t.
Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Arnold’s Laws of Documentation: (1) If it should exist, it doesn’t. (2) If it does exist, it’s out of date. (3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws.
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I had just received my degree …

11月 27th, 2008 by fan4war

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology… The study of milkmen.

Today I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli. I sold a #3 for 28 bucks.

I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: “Lost–$50. If found, just keep it.”

I bought a cheap piece of land… It was on someone else’s property.

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn’t stop until you get to work.

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.

Some people think George is weird, because he has sideburns behind his ears. I think George is weird, because he has false teeth. With braces on them. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge… You can’t hear him talk.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, “Well, what do you need?”

A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.

The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, “If you wish to save your marriage, you’d better be a little boulder.”

Things to Remember During a War

1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.

2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.

4. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.

5. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.

6. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.

7. Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation.

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9. You are not Tom Cruise.

10. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.

11. If you aren’t sure, the SAMs are pointed at you.

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13. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.

14. Smart bombs have bad days too.

15. The best defense is to stay out of range.

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I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: “Lost–$50. If found, just keep it.”
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John was sitting outside his local pub …

11月 27th, 2008 by fan4war

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

“How do you know this, Sister?”

“My Mother Superior told me so.”

“But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?”

“Don’t be ridiculous–of course I have never taken alcohol myself”

“Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”

“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!”

“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know.”

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

“Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “and could you put the vodka in a teacup?”

“Oh no! It’s not that Nun again is it?”

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Harvey’s grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.

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The warhammer powerleveling Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
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Real news headlines 10
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March Planned For Next August
Blind Bishop Appointed To See
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked–Thief Gives Police warhammer powerleveling The Slip
L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
Patient At Death’s Door–Doctors Pull Him Through
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Diaper Market Bottoms Out
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Stadium Air Conditioning Fails–Fans Protest warhammer online gold

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Posted in 未分類 | 121 Comments »

A person receives a telegram informing him about …

11月 27th, 2008 by fan4war

A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law’s death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.

He replies, “Don’t take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.”

Canada America

An American will say, “Hot day!” A Canadian will say, “Hot day, eh?” meaning “It’s a hot day, isn’t it?”

This is something deeper than spelling or pronunciation. It goes to the heart of the less-assertive Canadian character. The United States was born when Americans revolted against King George III and asserted their independence. Canada never came to a similar point of self-assertion and that little word “eh?” is their refusal even to assert that it’s a hot day without inviting somebody else to verify it.

One definition of a Candian is “a North American who refuses to join the revolution”.

Another way to tell the difference between a Canadian and an American is to invite the suspected Canuck to lunch and watch him eat. If he’s really upper crust, he’ll eat like an Englishman, with knife and fork held firmly in his right and left hands. He’ll cut with his knife, pack the results on the back of his fork and convey the food to his mouth with the fork still in this left hand.

Many an American eats with knife and fork, too, but in a different way. He takes the knife in his right hand and the fork in his left to cut up the food. Then he puts the knife down and takes the fork in the right hand to convey the food to his mouth.

A common garden-variety Canadian does the job differently. He doesn’t use his knife at all, except for particularly stubborn steaks and other such tough foods. Instead he takes the fork in his right hand and leaves the knife beside his plate. Then he cuts the food with the edge of the fork and feeds himself with the fork held in the same hand.

But suppose all these tests are inconclusive. There’s one more, rather dangerous, way to tell a Canadian from an American. Just remark to the suspect that Canadians and Americans are so much alike that it’s hard to tell one from the other. If the person involved is an American, he’ll probably agree.

But if he’s a Canadian he’ll let you know, in no unterms, that you’re wrong. And that stubborn sense of difference is one main

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A: Only one, but it takes nine visits.

A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law’s death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.
He replies, “Don’t take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.”

Canada America
An American will say, “Hot day!” A Canadian will say, “Hot day, eh?” meaning “It’s a hot day, isn’t it?”
This is something deeper than spelling or pronunciation. It goes to the heart of the less-assertive Canadian character. warhammer power leveling The United States was born when Americans revolted against King George III and asserted their independence. Canada never came warhammer power leveling to a similar point of self-assertion and warhammer online gold that little word “eh?” is their refusal even to assert that it’s a hot day without inviting somebody else to verify it.
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Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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Q: How many nurses does it take cheapest warhammer gold to change a light bulb?
A: Will somebody please call house-keeping?

Q: How many house-keeping staff does it take to change a light bulb?
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Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but it takes nine visits.

Posted in 未分類 | 57 Comments »

In January 1994, ‘The Economist’ magazine reported that one …

11月 26th, 2008 by fan4war

In January 1994, ‘The Economist’ magazine reported that one of Secretary of Energy Hazel O’Leary’s success stories about government research scientists hired out for civilian business uses was the Argonne National Laboratory’s helping McDonald’s to find a way to speed up french frying. A team headed by physicist Tuncer Kuzay, who interrupted his work on advanced photons, placed sensors inside the frozen fries and was able to design special frying baskets to deal with the effect of steam created by melting ice crystals and to cut 30 to 40 seconds off each batch’s frying time.

I knocked several times, but you weren’t in. - Opportunity

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I think we should really add to the confusion… Let’s call in (Insert Your Favorite Group - Engineering/Financial…)

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I would give $1000 to be a millionaire.

I’ve got to stop getting fired like this. People will start to think I’m a drifter. - Lee Iacocca

If a listener nods his head when you’re explaining your program, wake him up.

If a man advances confidently in the direction of his dreams to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - Henry David Thoreau

If a program is useful it will be changed, if it is useless, it will be documented.

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In January 1994, ‘The Economist’ magazine reported that one …

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